Monday, April 25, 2011

The Bar Story

This guy goes to a bar that's on the tenth floor of a hotel. He sits down and has a couple of drinks, then stands up, announces loudly that he has had enough, and goes over and jumps out the window. Now, there are two men who are sitting at a window table, and having that natural human curiosity about the grotesque, watch as this man plummets to certain death. However, just as he is about to hit the ground, he rights himself, pulls his feet underneath himself, and lands gracefully. He then turns and comes back into the building. Naturally, the two men are amazed. The guy comes back into the bar, orders a few drinks, then repeats the process. The two men at the window seat are astounded! When the guy returns and repeats the procedure AGAIN, the two men stop him before he jumps and ask him how on earth he does that. He replies "It's simple, really. There's an air vent down by the ground, and if you catch the updraft, you can right yourself and land on the ground with no problems." Then he proceeded to jump out the window again. Well, these two men decided that they just HAD to try this, so they jumped out the window, and SPLAT! -- made a mess hitting all over the ground. Meanwhile, the first guy has made it back up to the bar. When he sits down to order his drinks, the bartender says "Superman, you can be a real ------- when you're drunk!"

Sathya Sai Baba

One of the greatest man who expired ...a very sad news for the whole world..deva manava says news channels and he has done many miracles ...
Wikipedia says that.......

Sathya Sai Baba (Teluguసత్య సాయిబాబా) born as Sathyanarayana Raju (23 November 1926 – 24 April 2011) was an Indian guru, spiritual figure and educator.He was described by his devotees as an avatargodman, spiritual teacher and miracle worker. The apparent materialising of vibhuti (holy ash) and other small objects such as rings, necklaces and watches by Baba has been a source of both fame and controversy – skeptics consider these simple conjuring tricks while devotees consider them evidence of divinity.Sathya Sai Baba claimed to be the reincarnation of the spiritual guru, Sai Baba of Shirdi, whose teachings were an eclectic blend of Hindu and Muslim beliefs.
Sathya Sai Baba and his organisations support a variety of free educational institutions, hospitals, and other charitable works in India and abroad. The number of active Sathya Sai Baba adherents was estimated in 1999 to be around 6 million, although followers' estimations are far higher.Since there are no formal ties of membership, the actual figure may never be known.The Sathya Sai Organisation reports that there are an estimated 1,200 Sathya Sai Baba Centers in 114 countries worldwide. In India itself, Sai Baba draws followers from predominantly upper-middle-class, urban sections of society who have the "most wealth, education and exposure to Western ideas."He was a cultural icon in India and drew an audience with presidents and prime ministers from India and beyond who have become his devotees; in 2002, he claimed to have followers in 178 countries.
He is also said to be one of the incarnations of lord shiradi sai baba.I believe we hav lost a very strong support !

The Army's Camel

A Captain in the foreign legion was transfered to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks. He asked the Sargent leading the tour,
"What's the camel for?".
The Sargent replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."
The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."
After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sargent, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.
The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sargent, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?"
The Sargent replied, "Well sir, they usually just use the camel to ride into town to find the women.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

" The motorcylist "

A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the house in the kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle and somehow, the motorcycle slipped into gear. The man, still holding the handlebars, was dragged through a glass patio door and along with the motorcycle, dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the crash, ran into the dining room, and found her husband laying on the floor, cut and bleeding, the motorcycle laying next to him, and the patio door shattered. The wife ran to the phone and summoned an ambulance. After the ambulance arrived and transported the husband to the hospital, the wife up righted the motorcycle and pushed it outside. Seeing that gas had spilled on the floor, the wife used some paper towels to blot up the gasoline, and threw them in the toilet. The husband was treated at the hospital and was released to come home. After arriving home, he looked at the shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became despondent, went into the bathroom, sat on the toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped it between his legs into the toilet bowl while still seated. The wife, who was in the kitchen, heard a loud explosion and her husband screaming. She ran into the bathroom and found her husband laying on the floor. His trousers had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of his legs and his groin. The wife again ran to the phone and called for an ambulance. The same ambulance crew was dispatched. While they were going down the stairs to the street, accompanied by the wife, one of the paramedics asked how the husband had burned himself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of them tipped the stretcher and dumped the husband out. He fell down the remaining steps and broke his arm.

" What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment "

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.


LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.



PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

If I had one, would I be here?

Of what?

I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

Living in Bikini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.


SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

" A Day in Hell "

One day i felt i was ded and i found myself in hell. As he i was wallowing in despair it was my first meeting with a demon...

Demon: Why so glum chum?
Me: What do you think? I'm in hell.
Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down a drinkin' man?
Me: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks.
Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!
Me: Gee that sounds great.

Demon: You a smoker?
Me: You better believe it! Love the smoking.
Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember?
Me: Wow...that's...awesome!

Demon: I bet you like to gamble.
Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling.
Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow.

Demon: You into drugs?
Me: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean...
Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!!
Me: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!!

Demon: Are u gay?
Me: Uh no.

Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

A Lawyer's Question

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial--a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail for contempt within 5 minutes!"

Air force one and the farmer

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed, with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm. Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's actor. "Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered unconcernedly. "Do you realize that is the President of the United States' airplane?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped. "Nope. They's all kilt straight out." The farmer sighed cutting of his tractor motor. "I done buried them all myself. Took most of the morning." "The President of the United States is DEAD?" The agent gulped in disbelief. "Yep, he kept a-saying he wasn't ... but you know what a liar he is!"

The king's daughter

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, plastic -- anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his
wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured." The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge. The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too was sent away disappointed. The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She held it in her hand. And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the
third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?

America vs. Russia

The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.
The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.
When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.
When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.
The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."

Friday, April 22, 2011

" My friend who came to visit me "

He came to visit me in a very unusual way .He fell on me while i was happy sleeping on bed at 4 in the evening .He is one of the biggest spider i had ever seen.Plz look at his photo captured by me.
Here i like to give you some information about spider !

Spider are invertibrate (i.e. without backbone) animals having two body parts (fused head & thorax and abdomen) and eight legs. They feed on other living organisms. All spiders produce silk, a thin, strong protein strand extruded by the spider from spinnerets most commonly found on the end of the abdomen.

Facts About Spider
  1. There are more than 30,000 species of spiders.
  2. Males are smaller than the females.
  3. Spiders have silk spinning glands called spinnerets, at the tip of their abdomen.
  4. Most spiders have either six or eight eyes.
  5. Most spiders have fangs, through which venom is ejected.
  6. Spiders eat many types of harmful insects, helping to keep your garden free of pests.
  7. Most spiders are very nearsighted, they use the hair on their body to feel their way around and to sense when other animals are near.
  8. Webs get dirty and torn, so lots of spiders make a new one every day. They don't waste the old one, though, they roll it up into a ball and eat it!
  9. Sex of a spider can be determined by the size of the pedicel, the junction of cephalothorax and abdomen. In other words it is the spider’s waistline. The female will have a broad pedicel while the male’s will be more slender. The male will have club shaped pedipalps and the female will be slender and stick like
  10. They are carnivorous predator, they eat other living oraganisms.
  11.  Many spiders may only live for about a year, but a number will live two years or more.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

" Sooruthihudu maneyamalige "

Life is Eazy don make it complicated was some of the lines which was told by my class teacher ,I remember those words..... But i tell "life is complicated try to make it simple".In todays life we see A Murderer,A Thief,a Police, A Judge, An Engineer,A doctor, A lawyer and others as Indians ...but not with their own representation where no one thinks of caste also.When we have light there should be some darkness and Wen we have god there should be evil.So wen there is truth there are people who lie and wen there r good people there are bad people also,But the sum of good and bad should be balanced in nature but in todays world there are more corrupt,bad and worst people than good and honest ones todays world agnyana is breakin and coming out for which anna hazare is fighting.Santha shisunala sharifha said Sooruthihudu maneyamalige aggnyanadindha which is the symbol of life today but was said many decades before ....fight against voilence,corrup people and bad world try to bring a change.If you want a change in world then change your opinion towards me support people who are towards truth and non voilence but never go against truth ! Believe it or not its true....
I here post a pitcure of a roof tampered ...meaning Sooruthihudu maneyamalige "one of my photos"

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

" Chandrayana "

Where there is a will there is a way,but where you find me ....there you see smile.I grew up saying " chanda mama baro " which means come moon ! Who dosent love him....the way he makes ppl happy wen they r sad is the best time wen everyone remembers him.My mother used to show me moon and make me eat food as i was not eating without seeing him.Chandra "moon" is also known as god who gives enlightenment to  people .I insist you all to see moon and have your dinner one day on full moon where you find it as super moon .You will love to see him again.Now you all know i am a photographer so my last but not the least ting to say is i hav captured that moment in my lens plz see this !!

Monday, April 18, 2011

"The Inspirational Sunrise"

Every Morning i get up i used to feel ...oh why cant i sleep for more time.But i used to get up because of my mothers shouting's.Every day the same thing follows.Being brought up in a bramin family i used to get up after sunrise and do my daily rituals,for which i used to get big shouting's ....From that day i decided to do something to get up early.I tried to set up alarm and get up early but in the morning i used to stop it and sleep for more time.My mother used to say always"Have you seen sun rising at least once" I used to just ignore her words and move on .But do you all also think that you should get up and see sunrise daily ? I thought ok,let me see sunrise at least once.I tried and tried,hard and hard to wake up early but i couldn't get up early.
Then I decided to visit my farm house where ppl wake you up early,Finally i went on a holiday there and what i saw in the morning was a wonder..."The Inspirational Sunrise" Today I am not enough old but ,i am getting up early to see sunrise ,though being a youth i insist all those to see him rise form a small kid to an old person.
That moment was captured in my heart through my lens..

Sunday, April 17, 2011

" My first Click "

I was excited wen i opened my camera form the box as my present for my !2th b'day dad gave me telling i am giving u your life for the second time....putting it in milk or water is your's ! I know you all will now be wondering what is milk and water.Milk meaning "best" and water meaning "ok". I started it without knowing what is a right way to hold it.My dad told me i have given u a tool with which u can show your feelings without speaking a "WORD" .From that day i have never stopped thinking camera is my life partner.Which means she is all for me voda fone says whereever you go it follows me.
My first click was this " Aebbe Falls " ......
Every time i click i fell i am clicking an entire life within my frame !
Hope i do this till the end of my life ....